Why We Can't Stop Checking Our Phones
(And What to Do About It)
Our phones are constantly calling to us…
Why is it that we’re always reaching for our devices, that our children seem so magnetically drawn to screens, and despite our best intentions, there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about it?
This love-hate relationship with screens isn't entirely our fault – it’s our Stone Age brains working against us in a Space Age world.
Understanding why we feel the need to constantly check our phones is the first step toward building healthier digital habits for ourselves and our families.
Why You Can’t Stop Checking…
If you've ever felt like you can't put your phone down, it's not just your imagination—your brain literally wasn't designed for this.
Think about it like this: as a caveman, if you found a tree with delicious fruit, your brain would reward you with a good feeling, encouraging you to return to that tree.
Today, those same reward circuits light up when we get a like on social media or a text message from a friend. Our brains are still wired to seek rewards by repeating actions that worked in the past.
Social media platforms understand this and have created their apps with this strategy in mind. So when you “pull to refresh”, for example, you never know what you'll get.
Sometimes it's exciting, sometimes it's nothing, but the unpredictability keeps you coming back for more.
How Phones Rewire Our Brains
The more we check our phones, the more our brains adapt to expect these constant rewards. Over time, this can make it harder to focus, make simple decisions, or even enjoy moments without a screen in front of us.
For kids, this is even more serious. Their brains are still developing, and too much screen time can make it harder for them to build patience, manage emotions, or focus on anything that doesn’t offer instant gratification.
Becoming Aware of Your Triggers
Ever notice how you automatically reach for your phone in certain situations?
Researchers at the University of Washington identified the top four triggers that make us check our phones when we don't actually need to:
Unoccupied moments, like sitting at a stoplight or waiting in line. We use our phones to avoid moments of boredom, even though research shows a little boredom and daydreaming is actually good for us.
Tedious and repetitive tasks, either before we start them or as an excuse to take a break…we use our phone as a distraction or an escape. This makes it harder to concentrate, and the repetitive task just takes longer.
When we're anticipating a message or notification, like waiting for someone to text back or checking every few minutes to see if your delivery is on the way. This distracts us and can actually make us more anxious.
Socially awkward situations, like when you're waiting for friends at a bar and don't know anyone. In these moments, our phones offer comfort and escape from discomfort.
Recognizing these triggers is the first step toward changing our relationship with our devices…
Breaking Free: Practical Ways to Change Our Habits
Now that you understand why you're so attached to your screens, let's talk about practical steps to build a healthier relationship with technology:
1. Identify Your Habit Loop
Habits form through a three-step loop: cue, routine, reward. First, there's a trigger (like boredom), then you perform a behavior (checking your phone), and finally receive a reward (good feeling from seeing notifications).
Once you understand this loop, you can disrupt it by changing your routine.
2. Wait Before Checking
When you feel the urge to check your phone, try waiting before you check your phone. Go get a drink of water, take a lap outside, or do anything else instead of reaching for your phone. Give it a fews minutes and the feeling will go away…
3. Remove Distractions
Delete apps you no longer need or that cause you to mindlessly scroll. Try only checking social media on your desktop computer instead of your mobile phone. Turn off notifications for anything that’s non-essential…
Small Steps Toward Better Balance
Our Stone Age brains weren’t designed for this Space Age world so understanding why we feel the need to constantly check our phones is the first step toward building healthier digital habits for ourselves and our families.
Once you become aware of your triggers, you’ve put the first piece of the digital habits puzzle in place and can keep building until you’ve taken back control of the life you want to live for you and your family. ✌️
Good luck!
I'm Christopher Sciullo, and I write about Family Digital Wellness. I help parents balance their own tech use while guiding kids toward healthier screen habits—so we can all rediscover the wonder of life beyond the screen.